Invisible

Growing up, I always believed that I blended into the background and that no one noticed me. Which produced a mindset that I could do WHATEVER and get away with it because I was essentially-- invisible. And up until I hit college my invisible theory was never threatened. However, college provides an opportunity for people to figure out who they really are, allowing me to bloom into this charmastic, hilarious, and smart person. Thus, creating an opportunity for me to become the "social butterfly" that I have always wanted to be, yet I still had the mindset that people could care less about Candace Gunby. College has really been a learning experience because not only have I become more comfortable with people taking notice of my talents and abilities but also I have learned that people actually care what I think, feel, & believe. I mean when I am home I know my family cares...to some extent about what I think. But for some reason it matters more to me what my peers think of me and my ideas. As I grow older, I'm trying not to let my peers have such an effect on my decisions & behaviors, but its hard because I've wanted their approval for sooooo long that I don't know any different. However, recently (as in the last year) I have started to learn that the reason I was so stressed over my appearance and persona was because I was trying to be something I'm not and keeping up a particular look, style, and attitude is hard--especially if its not you. Just forgetting all about the physical and focusing on God & our relationship has allowed me to begin to SEE myself for who I really AM, which lead me to the realization that I may have been invisible to everyone--even myself but I was never invisible to the one that matters.....GOD!