If You Really Knew Me

One late night I found myself watching a marathon of Teen Mom episodes, but after the marathon a show called "If You Really Knew Me" premiered. The premise of the show is to shine a light on the bullying, teasing, and trials that high school students go through on a daily basis. In trying to alleviate these problems motivational speakers created something called challenge day, where students come and confess some deep secrets to each other in an effort to bring the students together. The show got me thinking about what I would say, it would probably go like this. "If you really knew me you would know that I envy people that have a family with a mom, dad, cousins, aunts, uncles who see them for who they are. Don't get me wrong I have all of those people yet none of them really know much about "me." They know the simple stuff like I'm a senior at Bradley University and that I want to go to graduate school in St. Louis. However, they don't know that I have never had a boyfriend, that I fear rejection and disappointing people, or even that I struggle with my faith each and every day....you know the deep stuff. When I think of family I always imagined them as people that will never judge or criticize, but will listen to my problems and try to help...but mine isn't like that. Over the years I have realized that I don't have an intimate relationship with my mom or dad. I understand why I don't have an intimate relationship with my dad...he is in and out of my life constantly. But it wasn't until recently that I realized that the relationship I have with my mom is superficial. We never talk about anything deeper than movies, skating, or clothes. My mom rarely talks to me about God or even her relationships....when it comes to relationships she only talks about the guys that end up stalking her or something. Never what she is looking for in a guy or what she wants in life. Maybe I should be the one that should ask her about these things but sometimes I don't feel comfortable enough with her to confide in her. Because she always tends to tell someone else the things I tell her. "
"If you really knew me you would know that the reason that I am in love with school is because it has been the only thing that I was able to succeed at when I was younger and to this day I still struggle with believing that I am worth more than my smarts and sense of humor....sometimes I believe that I am only good for helping someone with their homework or to make them laugh. As I grow in God I am learning that God has much more in stored for me than just some jokes and good grades. From now on I will tell myself everyday that I am worth more than a laugh."