God via email

I've never been one to read a bible....I mean I have been growing in my relationship with God but actually reading his works has been something that I've postponed. Therefore, I decided to have a daily scripture emailed to me, its not as the best way to get more familiar with the bible but for me its a step. So I got this scripture a couple of days ago that really spoke to me.

"For this is what the high and lofty One says— he who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite." – Isaiah 57:15 (NIV)

The scripture also comes with an interpretation:


The way that God reveals Himself in Scripture is dynamic! He is far beyond all we can comprehend, and yet He knows every detail of our thoughts. This means that God not only hears the cries of our soul, He has the power to do something about it! To humble ourselves before God is to open the door for renewing our lives.
 
I really needed to hear this because sometimes I feel that the reason my prayers are not answered are because I don't have the courage to speak them aloud. This scripture helped me realize or maybe just remember that God knows everything about me even the stuff that I can't speak.

Walking in Faith

For the last couple of months I have been struggling trying to find money for my tuition so that I could go back to school in the fall. Education has been the only thing I have excelled at since the third grade so being faced with the idea that I would not be able to finish my college degree was breaking my heart. My friends continuously reassured me that God would not leave me at this point in my journey and that He would make away. I am not perfect so of course I had doubt that even God could fix my problem, but I still prayed and tried to hold to my beliefs that God is greater than any problem. After weeks--then months-- of my problem not being solved I grew sad that maybe college was not where I was meant to be right now. I started to give up hope that I would be in Peoria in the fall, but recently God found a way for me to get the money I need for my last year at Bradley. If I wasn't convinced that God is my provider and will make a way out of no way. I am definitely convinced now! This experience has strengthened my faith in God and from this day forward I will never doubt that He will pull me through. I am so blessed to have God in my life and I appreciate everything that He has done for me!

Straight Addiction Part 2

I believe that I have an addictive personality because I can looooooove something for a couple weeks and then discard it like its nothing. Well, my current addiction is relationship articles....don't ask my why? but I find myself spending hours reading articles on how to attract men and what flirting techniques to use. I mean its not like I'm reading this stuff so that I can effectively find a guy, its actually a form of entertainment to read some of the things women do to get men. Personally, I know that as long as I stay open-minded love will eventually find me--so I'm not worried nor do I really think about relationships that often. Even though a relationship is not at the top of my priority list I've seem to have read nearly 50 or more articles about the subject. Maybe subconsciously I want to be in a relationship and reading articles about it is the physical manifestation-- allowing me to live vicariously through the writers of these articles. Idk...relationships were never my strong point (if you've read my previous posts you would know that) so reading these articles gives me a view into the dating world...a world I've never managed to explore due to reasons only God knows. I mean I have always been a lovable person but could never manage to find a guy that liked me nor friends that would hang with me. Like any normal teenager I assumed their was something wrong with me and that's why I had no friends or gentleman callers (lol). But it wasn't until my sophomore year in college that my friend told me maybe it has nothing to do with you and all to do with what God didn't want in your life.  That is something that I hadn't thought of and that comment brought light to many of my childhood experiences. Because when I was younger I craved peer approval and probably would have done a lot to get it and God knew that, thus separating me from the very people that I wanted to get close to. In an effort to keep me on the path I was put on. Thinking back to my jr high years...I would have been into some crazy things if I could actually get the friends that I wanted. So it makes me think....even when God is not the head of your life He still protects you from anything that will separate you from His will and His way. I guess being addicted to these articles is normal because everyone is curious about something they know nothing about. This will soon pass and I will be on to the next one....until then deuces

My First Crush in a Long Long Long Time

My friend told me that writing my thoughts and feelings down was a good way to better know myself. Well, I'm not that big on writing my feelings down, but then a few weeks later another friend suggested I start a blog--so I assumed it was a sign from God that I need to actually try to write my thoughts down. So here goes........
My first year as a member of Sigma Gamma Rho was the most excitement I've had in a long time, from becoming friends with people I wouldn't otherwise meet, going to crazy parties, to hosting events--it was crazy (in a good way). The one thing I wasn't expecting was to get this HUGE crush on this boy in my class. I mean he wasn't greek, or even that social, but I was soooooooo into him. I mean to a normal girl a crush is nothing new, but for me the last crush I had was when I was in theeeeeeeeeeee 8th grade. So I was actually surprised that I was feeling this way. I mean I was in a state of constant happiness when I would see him, think about him, or even when my friends would say his name I began to smile. However, after a while I became obsessed with him (or maybe just the way he made me feel) so much that every conversation I had some how ended up about him, constantly thinking of him. Once that happened I realized I had to somehow stop liking this boy because this feeling I was having was toxic and interfering with my other relationships. Since he wasn't in my friendship or greek circle I thought it would be easy to get over this crush. OOOOOOH boy was I wrong! In the Fall of 2009 I get word that the Kappas have a line of boys and my crush is possibly one of them. But of course I denied it and said that I wouldn't be convinced until he removes his mask at a probate. I finally get what I wanted...a Kappa probate so that I could put to rest these allegations about him. I was both excited and scared because there was a possibility that the boy that I was trying to forget was about to join my greek circle forcing me to talk to him. The nite of the probate,my sorors and I are standing outside waiting anxiously for it to begin.....finally the two boys that crossed KAPsi were standing rite in front of me. My friends & I knew rite away that it was him because he has the HUGEST lips and you can't hide those behind a mask.lol. During his whole probate my soror is teasing me about him and how now I have no excuse not to talk to him now and how he is my frat now. Having him in my greek circle was the last thing I wanted. I began to ask God why THIS boy was incapable of staying an unobtainable fantasy? Then over this summer God allowed me to realize that even though my crush and I will never be together it was good to actually experience those feelings. I mean I had buried my emotions deep down so I couldn't feel disappointment but I also couldn't feel the joy of having a crush. So I think God brought this boy into my life to show me that its okay to feel, its okay to be vulnerable...that's the only you will be truly happy.

SMH.....shaking my head

The funniest thing happened to me today, so I'm walking to my grandma house (I hate that my car is not working) because we were having our fourth of July celebrations on the 5th. On my way there I get stopped by this old man who is bringing his garbage can on the curb who precedes to ask me about my day and what I was doing. When he first said Hi I thought he was just being a nice neighbor, but I soon realized his intentions were not as simple as that. Finally I was able to get away after a couple minutes of weird, yet funny conversation-- he ended the conversation with "you look nice." I guess a compliment is nice no matter who says it, but I think I would have liked it better if it was a guy more my age.lol Because it kinda left me feeling slightly creeped out, but I gotta say it gives me a good story to tell my friends. Then if that wasn't bad enough I get closer to my grandma's house and this boy who sounded like he hadn't even hit puberty yells "hey baby, come over here".....I try to ignore it and continue with my walk as if nothing happened also trying to convince myself that they weren't even talking to me. Maybe there was another girl walking down the street at the same time as me(you never know). *side note* that is something I do all the time....try to convince myself that the things that happened to me were either a figment of my imagination or was actually happening to some other girl and I just misunderstood what was happening. Anywho, its sad that that's the most excitement I've had this summer. I wish I could meet some cool people my age that live in my neighborhood (since I don't have a car) because my summer is becoming a repetition of watching tv, listening to the radio, and then sporadic cleaning.

God Favors Me

With no job and no summer classes I have had ample time to reflex on my faith in God. I have been an avid church-goer since I was born, but it wasn't until last year that I truly began to look deep within myself to see where I stood with God. I mean you can go to church all day but if you don't have a personal relationship with God, what are you really getting out of the service? Listening to a pastor minister to you is necessary and essential to growing in your walk with God, but if once you leave the church you return to your normal, "worldly" ways you have missed point. Essentially, that's what I was doing--just going to church (because my mom made me) and sitting there counting down the minutes until I could go back home. It wasn't until my sophomore year in college that I made moves to change that. I had met some wonderful women that were confident in their walk with God, which made me more open to changing my views of church and fundamentally, God. I began to learn that God is more than just a all-knowing, creator of Heaven and Earth--he is also a protector, father, and friend. When you have no one else, God is there to help fight your battles-- no matter how big or small, even if we think that we can handle it ourselves. Discovering this has helped me get through some rough times and resolve some of my deep-seeded issues with trust, my father, and acceptance. As I grow in  my faith, I have realized that with Him by my side ALL things are possible. I also had to realize that becoming a God-fearing kingdom citizen will not happen over night..... I just took it one day at a time and soon enough I have learned to trust and love God whole-heartedly and each day I try to become more and more like Him so that His works can shine through me.
One of my favorite gospel songs is "God Favors Me" by Hezekiah Walker because it basically says that no matter what is happening to you right now, don't worry because you have favor and at the end of your struggles you will come out stronger. This song has helped me realize that my issues with money, people, myself will be worked by God-- if I let Him. Giving over all power over my life and trust to Him is something that I struggle with everyday, but I'm consistently reminded that He will never leave me & that makes it so much easier.

Finding the Man of My Dreams

Well, since I was young I never had good luck with men, always seemed to be the friend not the girlfriend.  Use to make me mad because the boy that I dreamed about would never see me but the boy that I completely hated always seemed to be around.....JUST MY LUCK. So after a while I gave up and came to terms with the fact that I just wasn't meant to have a boyfriend. Believing this made high school so much easier because I wasn't consumed with what boy did or did not like me...I didn't care. College on the otherhand is a different story because you are coming into young adult years. I mean I'm almost 22 and I've never had a boyfriend....ridiculous, right? Its not like I'm a homebody, I get out occassionally and I know people, yet there has not been one guy who has had the courage to walk up to me and simply introduce himself. I mean guys may look even stare though they never say a thing. Its not my job to initiate conversation if you are the one staring at me during events or class. I'm not an intimidating women, I may walk with confidence and speak my mind but since when has those qualities been bad. Yeeeeeah, going to a predominantly white university doesn't help my situation, but sometimes I just wish an educated, young black man...preferibly handsome would just come up  to me and sweep me off my feet. I guess right now thats too much to ask for, but I am still looking for the one man who will truly take my breath away.