My First Crush in a Long Long Long Time

My friend told me that writing my thoughts and feelings down was a good way to better know myself. Well, I'm not that big on writing my feelings down, but then a few weeks later another friend suggested I start a blog--so I assumed it was a sign from God that I need to actually try to write my thoughts down. So here goes........
My first year as a member of Sigma Gamma Rho was the most excitement I've had in a long time, from becoming friends with people I wouldn't otherwise meet, going to crazy parties, to hosting events--it was crazy (in a good way). The one thing I wasn't expecting was to get this HUGE crush on this boy in my class. I mean he wasn't greek, or even that social, but I was soooooooo into him. I mean to a normal girl a crush is nothing new, but for me the last crush I had was when I was in theeeeeeeeeeee 8th grade. So I was actually surprised that I was feeling this way. I mean I was in a state of constant happiness when I would see him, think about him, or even when my friends would say his name I began to smile. However, after a while I became obsessed with him (or maybe just the way he made me feel) so much that every conversation I had some how ended up about him, constantly thinking of him. Once that happened I realized I had to somehow stop liking this boy because this feeling I was having was toxic and interfering with my other relationships. Since he wasn't in my friendship or greek circle I thought it would be easy to get over this crush. OOOOOOH boy was I wrong! In the Fall of 2009 I get word that the Kappas have a line of boys and my crush is possibly one of them. But of course I denied it and said that I wouldn't be convinced until he removes his mask at a probate. I finally get what I wanted...a Kappa probate so that I could put to rest these allegations about him. I was both excited and scared because there was a possibility that the boy that I was trying to forget was about to join my greek circle forcing me to talk to him. The nite of the probate,my sorors and I are standing outside waiting anxiously for it to begin.....finally the two boys that crossed KAPsi were standing rite in front of me. My friends & I knew rite away that it was him because he has the HUGEST lips and you can't hide those behind a mask.lol. During his whole probate my soror is teasing me about him and how now I have no excuse not to talk to him now and how he is my frat now. Having him in my greek circle was the last thing I wanted. I began to ask God why THIS boy was incapable of staying an unobtainable fantasy? Then over this summer God allowed me to realize that even though my crush and I will never be together it was good to actually experience those feelings. I mean I had buried my emotions deep down so I couldn't feel disappointment but I also couldn't feel the joy of having a crush. So I think God brought this boy into my life to show me that its okay to feel, its okay to be vulnerable...that's the only you will be truly happy.